When Reality Doesn't Match Expectations

Issue 007 - Fall Lead-In Series

A few weeks ago, much of the fall sports season existed mostly on paper.

There were schedules, open gyms, summer workouts, and plenty of expectations about what the months ahead might look like. Now, for many families, the picture is starting to become a little clearer.

Maybe your athlete is playing exactly the role they expected. Maybe they're playing a different position, competing against stronger teammates, or finding that minutes are harder to come by than anticipated.

Or maybe the surprise has gone the other direction. A nervous first-year athlete is loving it. A new coach has been a great fit. Your child is getting an opportunity nobody expected, has connected with new teammates, or is discovering that they're better prepared than they realized.

P.S. Email subscribers received a small surprise in this week's Report. It'll be there in next week's Fall Lead-In Series finale too. Subscribe today if you haven't already!

1 Idea

Give reality a chance before deciding what it means.

We all enter a season with expectations, even when we haven't said them out loud.

An athlete may picture a certain position or role. A parent may have assumptions about playing time, coaching, competition, or how much their child will enjoy the experience. We naturally use what happened last year, what we've heard from others, and what we observed over summer to fill in the blanks.

Then the season actually happens.

Sometimes reality falls short of what we pictured. Sometimes it exceeds it. Often, it's simply different in still unclear ways.

That's why this stage of the season is worth approaching with some humility. We're finally getting real information, but we don't necessarily have enough of it yet to know how the story will unfold and finish.

• A smaller role may expose something an athlete needs to improve.
• A different position may eventually fit better than the one they wanted.
• A stronger teammate may raise the standard every day in practice.
• An unexpected opportunity may create confidence that wasn't there a month ago.

And of course, sometimes a concern really is a concern. There are situations worth asking about, conversations athletes need to have with coaches, and circumstances that parents shouldn't simply dismiss.

The goal isn't to convince ourselves that every unexpected development is secretly good or bad. It's to see the situation for what it actually is rather than constantly measuring it against an expectation we may never have acknowledged.

Last week's Report focused on giving athletes room to tell us about their own experience. This is one reason why that matters. Before we decide that a role is disappointing, a coach isn't a fit, or something needs to change, it's worth finding out how your athlete sees it. Their answer may surprise us, too.

1 Resource

🎙️Talkin' with the A.D. podcast: But My Kid Should Be Starting

I recently enjoyed joining Morgan Sullivan on Talkin' with the A.D., and another episode from his show fits particularly well this week: "But My Kid Should Be Starting."

Playing time is one of the clearest places where expectations and reality can collide. Morgan's perspective doesn't treat that frustration as meaningless, but it also doesn't jump immediately to parental intervention. Instead, the emphasis is on helping athletes understand the coach's perspective, communicate appropriately, and take greater ownership of what they can do next.

1 Conversation Starter

Ask your athlete:

Different leaves room for disappointment, pleasant surprises, something harder than expected, something they love more than they expected. Listen before deciding where the conversation needs to go.

If they do identify something difficult, a useful follow-up is: "What part of that can you control?"

If they identify a pleasant surprise: "What do you think has helped make that happen?"

Worth Remembering

Different doesn't automatically mean worse. Sometimes it's where the growth begins.

From Rising Athlete Project

This question of expectations becomes especially important as athletes move into school-based sports.

The Rising Freshman Field Guide spends time preparing families for more competitive rosters, more defined roles, and playing-time dynamics that can be a significant adjustment from earlier sports experiences. Rather than measuring development only by minutes on game night, it encourages families to pay attention to effort, attitude, improvement, coachability, preparation, and how an athlete responds to the opportunities they receive.

That's part of the larger purpose behind all three Rising Athlete Field Guides: helping families understand the transition they're entering before they're trying to make sense in the middle of it.

Also from Rising Athlete Project this week

It's also been a big week for the Rising Athlete Project. In addition to my recent conversation on Talkin' with the A.D., I joined both the AD 360 Podcast and the Educational AD Podcast to talk about RAP, the transition from youth to school sports, and some ways families can navigate it with greater clarity and perspective.

​Listen to the AD 360 episode​

​Listen to the Educational AD episode​

Did you miss any of the rest of the Fall Lead-In Series?

• Issue 001 - Before the Schedules Take Over​
• Issue 002 - Every Great Athlete Started Somewhere Ordinary​
• Issue 003 - Use the Rest of Summer Wisely​
• Issue 004 - Start With Curiosity Instead of Conclusions​
• Issue 005 - Don't Let Pressure Set the Agenda​
• Issue 006 - The Ride Home Matters​

Next Tuesday, we'll wrap up the Fall Lead-In Series by coming back to one of the questions we started with:

--

Stephen Anderson

Founder, Rising Athlete Project

P.S. Know a parent, coach, AD, or youth sports leader who would appreciate this? Feel free to forward it along.
P.P.S. Email subscribers received a little something extra with Issue 007. Subscribe to get future Reports and occasional subscriber-only extras delivered directly to your inbox.