A concise, practical newsletter helping families and youth sports leaders navigate youth sports with more perspective, less pressure, and greater purpose.
The Ride Home Matters
The Ride Home MattersIssue 006 - Fall Lead-In Series There are two very different versions of the ride home in youth sports. After a game, parents have often seen almost everything. We watched the great play, the missed opportunity, the interaction with the coach, the questionable call, and the body language on the bench. By the time our athlete gets in the car, we may have spent the last hour accumulating things we'd like to talk about. After a practice, tryout, or open gym, the opposite may be true. We saw almost nothing. Now we're curious. How did it go? What did the coach say? Who did you play with? How do you think you did? Either way, our athlete gets in the car and there's an almost irresistible temptation to start talking. Sometimes that's exactly what they want too. Other times, they're tired, hungry, disappointed, excited, or still trying to figure out what to think about something that happened. Maybe they just spent two hours immersed in their sport and would rather talk about anything else. The challenge for parents isn't figuring out the perfect thing to say on every ride home. Sometimes it's recognizing whether anything needs to be said at all. 1 IdeaYour athlete doesn't always need a debrief. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know about our kids' sports experiences. We should be interested. Some of the best conversations can happen when an athlete is eager to tell a story from practice, work through something that happened in a game, or explain some tiny detail that mattered far more to them than it ever could to us. The distinction is whether we're following their lead or satisfying our own need to know. After a game, we may want to offer the perspective from the stands:
Even encouragement can turn into a play-by-play review if we're not careful. After a practice or tryout, the temptation looks different. We want information, particularly when something feels uncertain:
It can be hard not to start asking questions the moment the car door closes. Our interest is usually coming from a good place, but the athlete sitting next to us may not be ready to process the experience on our timetable. That's increasingly important as athletes get older. Part of growing through sports is learning to evaluate their own performance, communicate with coaches, respond to disappointment, recognize progress, and decide what they want to work on next. If we're always ready with the analysis, we can unintentionally do some of that processing for them. This isn't a rule against talking about sports on the ride home. If your athlete wants to spend 20 minutes telling you every detail of practice, listen. If they ask what you thought about something that happened in the game, talk about it. Those conversations can be incredibly valuable. But we don't have to force them. Sometimes the music comes on, you stop for food, or the conversation is about school, friends, or what everyone else is doing that evening. Sometimes giving an athlete a little space today makes it more likely they'll want to talk to us tomorrow. 1 Resource🎙️CoachDad Podcast: How to Survive the Car Ride Home After the Game This week's resource couldn't be more directly connected. In this short 10-minute episode, Jim Miller explores the postgame car ride and how quickly a parent's desire to help can become additional pressure for the athlete. I appreciate that Jim reminds parents to consider what our athlete actually needs in that particular moment. I think you'll be encouraged by the discussion.
Or find it wherever you listen to podcasts. 1 Conversation StarterBefore jumping into either immediate analysis or mysterious silence, tell your athlete: "If you want to talk about it, I'm happy to listen. If not, that's okay too." The words matter, but the tone matters even more. That's okay too has to actually mean it. If disappointment, frustration, or curiosity is written all over our face, our athlete will hear something very different. Then let them decide where the conversation goes. Worth RememberingSometimes the best way to hear more is to ask less. From Rising Athlete ProjectThe postgame ride home is one of the situations I address specifically in the Rising Freshman Field Guide: "The ride home from a game may not be the best time to reflect in-depth unless your child wants to engage on the topic." As athletes enter the high school years, the goal is to help young athletes take greater ownership of their experience. The guide provides even greater depth on how to navigate this situation and many others like it with greater perspective, as you help your athlete move from you managing their sports experience to them learning to navigate it themselves.
Also from Rising Athlete Project this weekI recently joined Morgan Sullivan on Talkin' with the A.D. for a wide-ranging conversation about youth sports, parenting, and education-based athletics. As we head into fall sports, this discussion is packed with insight for athletic directors, coaches, parents, and even student-athletes spanning my experience as a 4K-12th grade athletic director who has watched hundreds of families navigate this journey before. Watch the conversation on YouTube or find "Talkin' with the A.D." wherever you listen to podcasts. Did you miss any of the rest of the Fall Lead-In Series?
Be on the lookout for Issues 007-008 the next two Tuesdays in August as we wrap up the Fall Lead-In Series and help you start this next season and school year with confidence. -- Stephen Anderson Founder, Rising Athlete Project P.S. Know a parent, coach, AD, or youth sports leader who would appreciate this? Feel free to forward it along. P.P.S. Rising Athlete Report email subscribers received a little something extra with Issue 006. Subscribe to get future Reports — and occasional subscriber-only extras — in your inbox. |
Rising Athlete Report
A concise, practical newsletter helping families and youth sports leaders navigate youth sports with more perspective, less pressure, and greater purpose.
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